A sitting room only crowd of thirteen was on hand to watch President Bob Burenheide call the weekly meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order for the last time on Thursday, September 24, 2009. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered the Invocation and led those present in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's guests were Chad Buchholz, sponsored by the aforesaid President Bob Burenheide, and Sarah Golden, brought by Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler.
With President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas' life flashing before his eyes as he saw what he has to look forward to during the next year, Pancake Chairman Emeritus and Former President Steve Mollach assured the members that all is progressing nicely as the Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed draws near. Steve boldly proclaimed that this year's feed will be a smashing success, even though no volunteer sign-up sheets were circulated and despite the fact that he received no tickets for the $100 bill that he passed over to Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler in full view of the other twelve Optimists. Members were reminded to show up early at the National Guard Armory that Saturday morning to help put on the hotcake hoedown.
Former President Bob Glover then told a disbelieving Club that he performed his final duty as Christmas Tree Committee Co-Chairman by placing the order for this year's tree inventory, although Bob did note that Flint Hills Optimist Kevin Nelson has agreed in principle to have one of his Red Line Trucking Co. reefers bring the trees to Emporia from Wisconsin in exchange for fuel reimbursement from the Club. President Burenheide told the members that he will arrange for a suitable trailer to be hauled to the Guion's Furniture Showcase parking lot to serve as Evergreen Central. Adult Beverage Subcommittee Chairman and Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham declined to comment about plans to keep this year's Christmas tree sales force well lubricated.
After passing around the storied Little Red Bucket to collect scratch in order to fight childhood cancer and determining that the Flint Hills Optimist Club Board of Directors will meet for the first time in the new year on Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at noon at the Memorial Union, President Burenheide turned the lectern over to Program Chairman and Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler, who introduced Sarah Golden as this week's guest speaker.
Ms. Golden is the Student Support Specialist for Emporia's Adult Education Center, headquartered at 622 Constitution. Ms. Golden told the members that Adult Education offers classes for anyone who seeks to obtain a high school diploma or to participate in English as a Second Language classes. Ms. Golden said that she is involved in the Emporia Literacy Program, which serves anyone in the community, regardless of age, who wishes to learn to read or to improve his or her literacy skills. The program is free, currently serves about one hundred fifty students with a waiting list of nine, and relies on the services of volunteer tutors. Ms. Golden added that besides reading, the Emporia Literacy Program teaches writing, math and communication skills and helps the students prepare resumes and develop into employable citizens.
Working with a Power Point presentation, Ms. Golden told the Optimists that there are eleven million totally illiterate adults in the United States, and thirty million more who are functionally illiterate. The speaker said that there is a twelve percent illiteracy rate in Lyon County, with many illiterate people holding responsible jobs while somehow masking the fact that they can't read. Ms. Golden said that since its founding in 1984, the Emporia Literacy Program has helped some two thousand three hundred people gain basic literacy skills, many of whom have gone on to college and hold good jobs. The Club was told that the literacy program used to be part of The Learning Connection before the latter's demise, and now operates under the aegis of the Adult Education Center. Ms. Golden said that the students select the times for their classes, which are held in public places like the Emporia Public Library, and that the program even serves people who not only can't read and write English but are illiterate in their native languages. Those who complete the literacy courses may receive three hours credit at the Flint Hills Technical College, and those who wish to become American citizens may undergo training that will help them pass the federal exam which is required for them to attain citizenship. The volunteer tutors have to undergo back-ground checks and a training course, but may only have to spend an hour or two per week helping someone learn to read and write the English language. Ms. Golden then answered questions from the Optimists, telling them that the Emporia Literacy Program is not a United Way agency, but is funded by grants, donations, and fundraisers such as its annual Scrabble Scramble at the Flint Hills Mall. Ms. Golden concluded her presentation by receiving applause from the members and an Optimist mug from President Burenheide.
The meeting concluded with a pass on the Optimist Creed and a weekly drawing that was hard on the squeamish, with Drawing Master Jeff Cope awarding $2.00 to Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham, $4.00 to Former President Steve "C-Note" Mollach, and the $5.00 grand prize to Sarah Golden.
DEEP APPRECIATION AND THANKS GO OUT TO PRESIDENT BOB BURENHEIDE FOR TWO YEARS OF EXCELLENT SERVICE TO THE CLUB AND THE COMMUNITY. SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY AS DR. BRYAN DOUGLAS BEGINS A NEW ERA OF HOPE AND CHANGE AS PRESIDENT OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB!
In his swan song as Vice President of the Flint Hills Optimist Club, Steve "Doc" Graham filled in for President and Pro Bass Angler Bob Burenheide by calling the September 17, 2009 meeting to order, followed by Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones' expert Invocation and the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's crowd of twelve verbal heel-nippers included Kari Wallace and Mary Ann Newton, sponsored by President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas, as guests.
No sooner had the Pledge been recited than Sheriff Ken Hanson celebrated his triumphal return to the Club by fining Former President Jones for his fashion critique of Vice President Graham's best cut-offs and Hawaiian shirt. Christmas Tree Co-Czar and Former President Bob Glover then reported that he had remitted the 2009 tree order and received the confirmation of same, noting that the Club will receive four hundred ninety trees and various amounts of garland, wreaths, and accessories in a couple of months. Claiming that he, not Marijean Glover, is the real driving force behind the tree lot, Co-Chairman Glover exhorted the members to volunteer to schedule the sales force and cover the lot on weekday afternoons while Bob is selling diesel fuel and hot dogs to truck drivers from across the country. The afternoon hours at the lot may start at 2:00 p.m. or 3:00 p.m.and last until 5:30 p.m. or so, when the night shift arrives at Guion's parking lot. Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham's wistful memories about libations consumed at the lot earned him a fine from Sheriff Hanson, but appealed to the guests enough that they volunteered to work the lot.
Former President Glover also told the Club that he has made indirect inquiries of Commissioner Kevin Nelson about having Red Line pick up the trees in Wisconsin and deliver them to the lot on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, with Bob suffering yet another fine when he grabbed the members' attention with talk about borrowing a big reefer to bring the merchandise to Emporia. Former Presidents Bob Glover and Stan Fowler generated agreement among those present when they stressed the importance of early Christmas tree lot promotion, starting long before the evergreens hit the city limits. The Club cheered lustily when Sheriff Ken Hanson volunteered Courtney Graves to be the Christmas Tree Marketing Director for 2009, with Vice President Graham expressing confidence that Dr. Tracey Graham could arrange for the Emporia Gazette to photograph the Optimists unloading the trees on the third Saturday in November. Former President Glover passed along the disappointing news to Former President Steve Mollach that Bob's grandson, Ian, has moved to Kentucky and will most likely start an Optimist Club in that state rather than hang out at our lot at Guion's. Thanks go out to Former President Glover for his early stewardship of the tree project.
As for the upcoming Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed, Hotcake Co-Chairman Sheriff Ken Hanson passed out tickets to members who hadn't yet received them, and admonished all Optimists to peddle the tickets furiously, especially to those who are under quarantine or who will be away on long ocean voyages on the day of the feed. Members are asked to either get up early on Saturday, October 10 or drag themselves back late from a night of carousing on Friday, October 9 to set up tables and chairs at the National Guard Armory and otherwise help put on a successful flapjack fete.
After Former President Glover and the guests swapped stories about inadvertant gas wars at Prairie Port Plaza and a fuel thief who claimed that he worked undercover for every law enforcement and intelligence agency since the O.S.S., Vice President Graham turned the lectern over to Program Chairman and President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas, who introduced Kari Wallace and Mary Ann Newton as this week's guest speakers. Mrs. Wallace, a special education teacher for eighteen years, first at Emporia High School and now at the Earl Center, and Mrs. Newton, a veteran special education teacher for seventeen years at the Flint Hills Special Education Co-Op who now works at Kansas Assistance Technology, told the Optimists about next month's Disability Mentoring Day. Mrs. Wallace said that D.M.D. is a nationally observed event during which those with disabilities, the mentees, spend the day with local businesses and employers, the mentors, so that the mentees can gather information about careers and future employment. The speakers told the Optimists that Disability Mentoring Day takes place on the third Wednesday in October, falling this year on October 21.
Mrs. Wallace, who deals primarily with youngsters, said that the mentees gather early in the morning on D.M.D. for juice and coffee, a more substantial breakfast having been discontinued, and are transported to various businesses and job sites around Emporia so that they can spend the morning shadowing employers in fields which interest the mentees. Mrs. Wallace added that the mentors are encouraged to actively describe and demonstrate their work to the mentees, and not just assign them to a chair in the corner to observe the business environment without any interaction or input. Mrs. Wallace said that when the mentees spend time at a place of employment, it helps them focus on realistic career goals, get a first-hand look at what a particular business is like on a daily basis, connect their education with real life work experience for a day, and focus on employment skills and career paths. On the other hand, Disability Mentoring Day has become popular with local employers, who get a chance to see what the disabled are capable of, not what they can't do. After a morning at a job site, the mentees are taken back to the First United Methodist Church for lunch and an afternoon of fun activities, this year featuring line dancing, raffles, and exercises designed to improve social skills. Mrs. Wallace told the Club that thirty-one disabled people have signed up for this year's D.M.D., and that she hopes for at least fifty to participate in next month's event. The speakers disseminated written application packets and flyers for this year's Disablility Mentoring Day before concluding their presentation by receiving Optimist pens from Vice President Graham and applause from the members.
Before eschewing the Optimist Creed and sliding back to work, the members blew their wages on a weekly drawing that is in mired a recession every week, with only Vice President-Elect Bobby Thompson, Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham, and Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler coming out ahead by winning $2, $3, and $5, respectively.
SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY AND PAY RESPECTS AS PRESIDENT BOB BURENHEIDE CONCLUDES HIS HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL ADMINISTRATION AND SECRETARY-TREASURER DR. GEORGE DURLER WORKS OFF HIS FINES BY SPONSORING A GUEST SPEAKER FROM THE ADULT EDUCATION AGENCY!
Nine verbal combatants were on hand in the K.S.T.C. Room of the Emporia State University Memorial Union as President Bob Burenheide called the Thursday, September 10, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. There were no guests nor new members present at this week's meeting.
No program being available, President Burenheide started off the open meeting by thanking those members who attended last week's session while Bob was out of town, then passing around the legendary Little Red Bucket so that the members could chip in coins and currency to support Optimist International's fight against childhood cancer. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler staggered out of the room after the meeting was concluded, straining under the weight of the money from the bucket as he headed for the bank to deposit it prior to forwarding the collection to Optimist International.
President Burenheide then circulated various items of Club correspondence for examination by those in attendance, including the monthly mailing from Chester Press, a promotional piece from the Norman Eppink Art Gallery at E.S.U., and a Granada Theater event planner. As for upcoming Thursday meetings of the Flint Hills Optimist Club, President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas will sponsor a guest speaker on the local disability mentoring day next week, followed by a program arranged by Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler about Adult Basic Education on September 24.
After deciding that no further discussion of the non-board meeting of Tuesday, September 1, 2009 was warranted, the members were reminded to sell tickets to the Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed to everyone in Lyon County and beyond, even to those who will actually show up and eat pancakes, but only if absolutely necessary. President Burenheide then engaged in a complex commercial transaction in which he purchased a book of twenty tickets from Former President Mike Alpers with the intent to resell them at an obscene profit, probably for the benefit of the Club, but then objected when Mike said that Bob wouldn't get credit for the sales. President Burenheide and Former President Alpers then entered into some sort of sale and leaseback arrangement as the members lost interest in the whole thing.
Next, President Burenheide passed around a letter from the Emporia Area Chamber of Commerce which asked for donations to help buy prizes for the winners of a student essay and poster contest to take place during the week of Veterans' Day. Bob also circulated a flyer from K.A.N.S./K.R.W.V. and K.I.S.S. radio stations which asked Emporians to donate new and serviceable used warm winter blankets, coats, boots, hats and the like between November 2-13, 2009 to benefit the underprivileged, much like the Emporia Social Service Club has done for years. The members also discussed the much awaited signs which will be posted at the city limits and which will trumpet Emporia as the birthplace of Veterans Day, noting that the money for the project has been raised and the signs should arrive soon.
The Optimists then made plans for the upcoming Christmas tree sales project, with Former President Darrell Jones reporting that he is in receipt of a catalogue from which he could order some revolutionary new bits that might last longer on our tree drill, as well as some brightly colored netting for our tree netter. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler's suggestion that the Club hold a work session to repair some faltering tree racks was met with approval, with President Burenheide proposing that we fix the racks on the very day that we set up the lot, so as not to have to lug them out of the storage trailer more than once this season.
In other Club business, President Burenheide advised the members that he would be off fishing next week and thereby unable to preside at the meeting, Former President Stan Fowler recounted a recent fact-finding trip to Missouri, during which he observed various cultural oddities involving local dialects, gender roles and alcohol consumption practices, and President Burenheide finished off the meeting by using his Blackberry to read a joke about a philandering wife, her outraged spouse, and a sagacious cab driver.
Spending no time reciting the Optimist Creed, the members concluded the meeting with a rancid weekly drawing that saw President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas win $2.00, $2.50 go to Former President Mike Alpers, and Former President Rich Jaggard make off with a $3.00 grand prize that was barely better than nothing.
LET PRESIDENT BURENHEIDE BAIT A HOOK--SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY AND BAIT YOUR FELLOW OPTIMISTS!
Performing what he fervently prayed was his last official act as Vice President, Steve "Salsa King" Graham filled in for the absent President Bob Burenheide and called the Thursday, September 3, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. The Club's Tailtwister, Co-Chaplain and Sheriff Ken Hanson, delivered the Invocation and led a small but hard-wired crowd of ten in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Janet Haag, who is considering membership in the Flint Hills Optimist Club.
Vice President Graham began this week's open meeting by reporting that although some members of the Flint Hills Optimist Club Board of Directors did attend the scheduled Tuesday, September 1, 2009 meeting, it was not enough to constitute a quorum for the purpose of conducting official business. As a result, those directors and officers who were in attendance disposed of various items of unofficial business, which in this Club is almost
indistinguishable from the real thing. Licensed pyrotechnician and Former President Stan Fowler told the members that, as he and Former President Joe "Rocket Man" Michaels understand it, the Kansas State Fire Marshal's Office has imposed a new $300 per year "distributor's license fee" on anyone except government officials who put on fireworks displays for public consumption. Stan said that it appears that this new charge is in addition to the existing $40 licensure fee and is in keeping with current public policy that calls for ever increasing fees and taxes for the same services.
As for the ersatz board meeting itself, it being the last for the aforesaid Joe Michaels and Steve Graham, those present discussed the upcoming Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed. Hotcake Honcho and Sheriff Ken Hanson, who co-chairs the Pancake Feed Committee with Courtney Graves, took the occasion to give each member who was present a booklet of tickets to the feed, the same having been expertly printed by Former President Stan Fowler. Ken reminded the would-be ticket salesmen and saleswomen that each ticket costs $5.00, and that they should ideally be sold to those who are serving time in various penal institutions, on vacation out of state, or circling the earth in the Space Shuttle on October 10, 2009, since the Club has to pay Chris Cakes $3.00 for each flapjack fan who actually shows up at the National Guard Armory between 7:30 a.m. and 10:30 a.m. and chows down on all the pancakes, sausage, juice and coffee that he or she can eat. Co-Chairman Hanson further reported that he is promoting the feed on his Facebook page, and that Co-Chair Courtney Graves is planning some imaginative promotional forays in order to entice more people to buy tickets to the big event. Ken demonstrated a great degree of self-discipline by fining himself for implicit favoritism when he reported about tickets being distributed to various local radio stations for the purpose of on-air promotions. The ticket booklets were numbered and the members who received them were scrupulously recorded by Co-Chairman Hanson, the better to account for their whereabouts as the day of the feed nears. Thanks go out to Ken and Courtney for their expert preparation of this year's pancake feed, with Former President Mike Alpers speculating that even if no individual member manages to sell tickets at the prodigious rate exhibited by Former President Darrell Jones in 2008, the Club should make millions on the project if everyone unloads at least ten tickets by October 10.
In other Club activities, the members expressed confidence that Christmas Tree Co-Chairman and Former President Bob Glover has placed this year's tree order to our vendor in Wisconsin, and the Optimists were re-minded that members need to volunteer to spend a weekday afternoon or two at the lot this year, on the off chance that a passerby may wander in to use the portable toilet and end up buying a tree. Former President Stan Fowler reported that The Farm, Inc. would like to purchase or lease a dozen tree bags from the Club for use in that organization's annual fundraising Christmas tree auction.
As for upcoming programs, Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler was at once lauded for announcing that he will sponsor a guest speaker from the Adult Basic Education agency on September 24, 2009 and fined by Sheriff Hanson for verbal effrontery. The members were urged to line up programs for September 10 and September 17, and report the same to President Bob Burenheide.
Prior to the Club all but waiving a recitation of the Optimist Creed, Dr. Betsy Yanik managed her first weekly drawing and barely met the standards of a civilized society, with this reporter continuing the legend of Main Street Mary by winning $2.00, $4.00 going to Janet Haag, and President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas walking off with the $5.00 economic stimulus prize.
SNEER IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL DECORUM--SHOW UP FOR NEXT THURSDAY'S MEETING OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB!
Thirteen verbal envelope pushers were on hand as President Bob Burenheide called the August 27, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered the Invocation and led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Dave Hendricks, sponsored by Former President Rich Jaggard.
President Burenheide started the proceedings by circulating a letter from Lori Heller of the Emporia Public Library which thanked the Flint Hills Optimist Club for its financial donation in support of the library's 2009 Summer Reading Program. Mrs. Heller reported that 1,151 kids read 652,200 minutes this summer, thanks in part to our Club's contribution.
President Burenheide then presented the coveted Optimist membership pin and packet to the Club's most recent recruit, Casey Woods. The members applauded Casey's formal induction as a Flint Hills Optimist, and recognized his sponsor, Former President Rich Jaggard, for doing his part to increase the Club's membership.
No report being available with regard to the Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed, President Burenheide invited the members to contact him about purchasing tickets to the September 12, 2009 Emporia State University Football Traditions Barbecue at the Russ Jenkins residence. The aforesaid tickets cost $50 each, and entitle the bearer to copious amounts of food, beverages without end, and a chance to hobnob with E.S.U. football players and coaches. Bob also reported that NASCAR top gun Clint Bowyer has contributed $7,500 to match a like amount from Lyon County and/or the City of Emporia so that the Flint Hills Optimist Club can put on a quality community fireworks show on July 4, 2010. The members discussed the possibility of purchasing extra fireworks,
since the Club will presumably have an extra $5,000 at its disposal next year, thereby summarily rejecting the idea of actually refunding money to a governmental entity. Casey Woods pointed out that, because of tight budgetary conditions, the city may not be able to afford the level of police security that was present this past Independence Day. The mere suggestion that the extra money might be awarded to the Adult Beverage Subcommittee was met with skepticism by the members.
In other Club business, Former President Joe Michaels reported that the Sit 'N Spin continues to sit and spin at the Flint Hills Mall, President Burenheide said that Janna Stegmaier will arrange for a room in the Memorial Union so that the noon, Tuesday, September 1, 2009 board of directors meeting may be held, and there were threats of a new officer orientation session. The board will consider what to do about the availability and price of ads in this Newsletter, although President Burenheide will be absent for both the Tuesday board session and the Club's general meeting on Thursday. Casey Woods gave the members an overview of upcoming activities in downtown Emporia, including the September 12, 2009 Great American Market, the Farmers' Market Fall Festival on October 10, and the October 14 Main Street
Auction.
After reporting that Christmas Tree Co-Emir and Former President Bob Glover was about to place this year's tree order and that help will be needed to run the lot on weekday afternoons while Bob slaves away at Prairie Port Plaza, President Burenheide turned the lectern over to Program Chairman and Former President Rich Jaggard, who introduced Emporia State University Memorial Union Director Dave Hendricks as this week's guest speaker. Mr.
Hendricks filled the Club in on the upcoming massive renovation of the Union, a project which has been approved by the Kansas Board of Regents and financed by a self-imposed fee increase by the E.S.U. student body. Mr. Hendricks said that he is making an effort to tell community groups and service clubs about the refurbishing efforts, especially organizations who actually meet in the Union. The Club was told that the renovation has been in the works since 2001, when an E.S.U. committee examined deferred maintenance items that had accumulated at the Union for years. A master plan initially focused on mechanical, plumbing and electrical facets of the building, and it was discovered that the last improvement to the heating and air conditioning system was in 1989 or 1990, with many of the climate control units being over thirty-seven years old.
Mr. Hendricks told the Club that the study committee addressed the question of what the Union should be, and got the go-ahead from President Lane in 2007 to write a building improvements proposal, the report taking six months to complete. The proposed plan was given final approval in January, bids will be let next February, and construction will begin in May. In addition to improving the mechanical/electrical/plumbing facilities, the renovations will result in a more open look to the Union, thereby knocking down some of the walls that were constructed back in the 1980's. The plan will feature the introduction of more natural light, and a glass facade will be constructed and some green space will be added to the east entrance in an effort to beautify the area where most of the traffic enters the building, resulting in a five thousand square foot addition to the building. Mr. Hendricks said that a major effort was initiated to get the students out to vote on the fee increase that finances the $18.5 million project, noting that in prior elections only 5% to 6% of the student population bothered to vote on referendum issues. This time some 20% of the on-campus students made it to the polls, and
the project passed by a four to one margin.
Mr. Hendricks showed the members a series of floor plans and drawings which illustrated what the changes to the Union will look like. The speaker said that after sprucing up the east entrance, the renovation will proceed west across the first floor of the Union, although the improvements to the second floor will be divided into two phases, the second phase to be deferred until additional funding can be procured. Mr. Hendricks said that E.S.U. retained an architechtural firm and a contractor with long experience in refurbishing college unions, that the project will take two years, and that groups and organizations will have the opportunity to attach their names to various portions of the project for a price. The members were also told that E.S.U. will take advantage of the opportunity to publicize the storied history of a Memorial Union which is the second oldest such facility west of the Mississippi and the ninth oldest in the nation, and which hosts some five thousand seven hundred events per year. After answering questions from the members, Mr. Hendricks concluded his informative presentation by receiving a round of applause from the members and an Optimist pen from President Burenheide.
Prior to skipping the Optimist Creed, an outrageous weekly drawing saw $2.50 go to President Burenheide, Former President Darrell Jones win $4.00, and the $6.00 megaprize end up in Robert Novak's eager hands.
SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY FOR MORE VERBAL SLINGSAND ARROWS.
Back in the K.S.T.C. Room of the Emporia State University Memorial Union after an unscheduled one week hiatus, thirteen verbal roughhousers were on hand as President Bob Burenheide called the August 20, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Bob Glover delivered the Invocation and led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Antonia Felix, sponsored by President Burenheide.
The meeting began innocently enough, with Pancake Feed Co-Chairs Courtney Graves and Sheriff Ken Hanson assuring the members that all is well with the feed, and that they were scheduled to meet the next day for additional planning. The pancake fest, sponsored by Chris Cakes, will be open to the public from 7:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. on Saturday, October 10, 2009 at the National Guard Armory. Former President Stan Fowler will soon have hundreds of tickets printed and ready for distribution to the Club's sales force, although Sheriff Hanson reminded the members to try and sell tickets to people in jails, asylums, and engaged in military service overseas, the better to reduce the Club's expenses and enhance the bottom line. Plans were made for a special hotcake assignment to be entrusted to Former President and Former Pancake Feed Chairman Steve Mollach. Thanks go out to Ken and Courtney for some fine preliminary work in organizing the pancake chow-down.
Christmas Tree Co-Whiz Kid and Former President Bob Glover then reported that he was ready to submit the order for this year's tree purchase to our vendor, and reviewed the various categories of Christmas trees and the numbers of each that will be purchased this year, as opposed to 2008. Bob told the members that the plan is to order some five hundred fifty trees, almost one hundred less than last year, plus the same amount of wreaths and garland as last season. Former President Glover also noted that our supplier has agreed not to raise wholesale prices for the merchandise in 2009. The members discussed the possibility of arranging discounted freight services for the trees by contacting a friendly local trucking magnate, and the call still goes out for someone to volunteer to man the lot from 2:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. on weekdays. The Club also considered whether we have enough Tree Life on hand to last during the holiday season, and Former President Rich Jaggard told the members that he is storing so many Christmas tree stands in his house that he has been forced to take up residence in the garage. The tree discussion ended with an acknowledgment that the Optimists will have to compete with Wal-Mart for tree sales again this year, followed by Former President Glover's story about a diesel fuel sale bonanza at Prairie Port Plaza. Sheriff Ken Hanson put an emphatic end to the patter by fining Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler for suggesting that Bob engage in a fraudulent fuel double shuffle.
After President Burenheide confirmed that our Club was not represented at the previous weekend's District Convention, asked for ideas on what to do about selling advertisements in a Flint Hills Optimist Club Newsletter that is increasingly delivered by e-mail, and invited the members to purchase tickets to the annual Emporia State University Football Traditions Barbecue for only $50 each, Bob served as Program Chairman by introducing Antonia Felix as this week's guest speaker. Mrs. Felix passed around promotional flyers and volunteer sign-up sheets for the upcoming Emporia Clean Sweep community clean-up project. Mrs. Felix, who writes the Green State column in the Emporia Gazette, told how she and her husband were involved in a neighbor-hood association, and that their efforts grew into a community-wide beautification effort with the help of the Building Futures project and the City of Emporia. The speaker said that the clean-up blitz will take place over four weekends, September 18-19, September 25-26, October 2-3, and October 9-10, 2009, and that the city will be split up into four zones, with Clean Sweep taking place in one zone each weekend. The purpose of the city cleaning frenzy is to remove eyesores and give Emporians a chance to get rid of old appliances, furniture, and other junk that clutters up the city. Two gigantic dumpsters will be set up in each zone, and people are encouraged to bring their unwanted refuse, except for hazardous waste, to the designated dumpster site for removal by the volunteers. There will be no charge for the service, except that those who toss television sets into the dumpsters will have to shell out $10 per T.V.
Mrs. Felix added that those individuals who don't have trucks or other ways to bring their junk to the dumpsters can still participate, with eager community volunteers on hand to pick up the discards, provided some advance notice is given. The speaker told the members how a relatively unpublicized clean-up effort by the City of Emporia resulted in twelve tons of debris being put in the dumpster a while back, and the hope is that this fall's efforts will result in even more refuse being removed from the city landscape. The Optimists were also told that fifty or so Emporia State University athletes have agreed to donate their time as volunteers for Clean Sweep, and even more members of the community are being encouraged to fill out the forms and donate their time to improve the appearance of the city, especially by putting door-hangers on each front door in Emporia so as to inform the local population about the project. The hope is that Emporians will take advantage of Clean Sweep and not only make the town more attractive, but eliminate health and safety code violations at the same time. Mrs. Felix answered questions from the members, advising an incredulous crowd about the Clean Sweep mascot, Squeaky the Mouse, and received applause from the audience and an Optimist pen from President Glover as thanks for her appearance before the Club.
Before closing with a surprisingly competent rendition of the Optimist Creed, a weekly drawing that stunk less than usual saw this reporter win $3.00, $4.00 go to Former President Stan Fowler, and the $6.00 Clean Sweep prize end up in Antonia Felix's purse.
THINK THIS WEEK WAS A FLUKE? SHOW UP NEXT FOR NEXT THURDAY'S MEETING OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB AND LEARN ALL ABOUT DOUBLE JEOPARDY!
Ten verbal pugilists and three guests who couldn't believe what they were hearing were on hand as President Bob Burenheide called the August 6, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered the Invocation and led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's guests were Matthew Fowler, sponsored by his father, Former President Stan Fowler; Beverly Kerbs, the guest of this reporter; and Janet Haag, a prospective new member brought by Former President Rich Jaggard.
Sheriff Ken Hanson opened this week's meeting with a splash by fining an unrepentant Former President Darrell Jones for paying fines with Mexican pesos, various Canadian coins and car wash tokens, just as President Burenheide passed around the fabled Little Red Bucket and admonished Darrell and the rest of the Club not to deposit any bogus coins in the bucket which is used to collect donations for the Optimist fight against childhood cancer.
In preliminary Club business, President Burenheide reported that the board of directors met on Tuesday, August 4, 2009, but since a quorum wasn't present, no real business was transacted. The board talked about various Club projects, including the upcoming 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club Christmas tree lot. As if on cue, Christmas Tree Co-Chairman and Former President Bob Glover told the members that he has received a revised tree order blank from our vendor, and would appreciate input from the members about the composition of this season's inventory. Fighting off a fine by Sheriff Ken Hanson, Former President Glover reminded the members that since he is gainfully employed, someone needs to step up and mind the lot between 2:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. on weekdays, both to sell trees and to sample the potables supplied by the Adult Beverage Subcommittee. Bob also gave a brief history of the Club's tree enterprise for the benefit of the guests, including accounts of Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler's on-the-job adventures, the great 2006 arson caper, and awards bestowed on the tree lot workers for one holiday season miscreancy or another. The members agreed that it would be prudent to cut back on the number of seven to eight foot Canadian balsams in this year's tree order, and that a copy of the purchase form may be e-mailed to the Optimists so as to solicit their thoughts on the subject.
Pressing forward with the Club's agenda, President Burenheide told the members that the board is considering the purchase of a digital camera which would be kept in the podium and made available at the Thursday meetings to take pictures of guest speakers, Sheriff Ken Hanson's fine binges, and other Club melees. The board also will look into whether we should continue to sell ads in the hard copy of this Newsletter, since about half of our subscribership is on-line these days. After President Burenheide reported the happy news only two members haven't paid their 2008-2009 dues, the members were bummed out when they got the word that the price of the Thursday buffet at the Skyline Room will go up to $7.25 when the fall semester begins.
President Burenheide put out the call for members to sign up to attend the August 14-16, 2009 Quarterly Board Meeting of the Kansas District of Optimist International in Olathe, Kansas just before Sheriff and Pancake Feed Co-Chairman Ken Hanson fined him for failing to call for a pancake report that consisted of little more than vague generalities about the Kansas wheat crop and an appeal to sell tickets for the October 10, 2009 feed at the National Guard Armory. Speculation about the date that may actually appear on the tickets caused Former President Stan Fowler to be fined for a biting retort. Finally, Former President Rich Jaggard reminded the Club that the Memorial Union will be closed next week, with President Burenheide agreeing to e-mail the members about the venue of next Thursday's meeting, probably the Frontier Farm Credit conference room, and the cuisine, most likely orders from Planet Sub.
After paying dearly for a cell phone violation, President Burenheide surrendered the lectern to this reporter, who introduced Beverly Kerbs, Donor Recruitment Representative for the American Red Cross, as this week's guest speaker. Mrs. Kerbs started her address by inviting the Optimists to guess how many units of blood are needed in the United States each day, with the answer to be revealed at the end of her presentation. Mrs. Kerbs said that she has been involved in the Red Cross blood program for eight years, and covers a twelve county area in the Central Plains Region which includes Kansas and a small part of Oklahoma. The Central Plains Region is headquartered in Wichita, but Mrs. Kerbs operates out of her home in Americus and is responsible for taking the Red Cross blood show on the road and collecting blood from willing donors on a regular basis. The speaker told the Club that there are fixed blood collection sites in several cities in Kansas, such as Wichita, Garden City, and Hays, but that she has to make arrangements to bring the Red Cross Bloodmobile to Emporia six times each year to give local citizens the chance to donate blood. Mrs. Kerbs stated that the blood services division of the Red Cross is separate and distinct from the various Red Cross chapters which provide disaster relief, first aid and CPR training, and water safety instruction.
The members were told that the Bloodmobile normally tries to obtain two hundred thirty units during each visit to Emporia, a unit equalling a pint of blood. In addition to the Bloodmobile, Mrs. Kerbs arranges for "express" blood collection units, which consist of two volunteers and two cots and are set up on job sites and company premises so that employees can give blood with minimal disruption of their daily routines. There are also blood collection buses that travel around the state in order to contact donors, but are being phased out because of their poor gas mileage and the attendant expense incurred in their operation. Mrs. Kerbs said that the Bloodmobile depends on local volunteers to unload and load equipment, and told the members about the "Alex" machine that can double the amount of red blood cells collected from individual donors while separating out white blood cells. The speaker also praised the success of blood collection efforts at Emporia High School and Emporia State University as opposed to those by the budding young lawyers at K.U., prompting comments about attorneys that led to justifiable fines and contempt citations for several Optimists. After answering questions from the members, Mrs. Kerbs revealed that 303,231 units of blood are needed in the United States each day for medical and surgical procedures, and gave a tee shirt upon which that number was emblazoned to Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler, George's guess being the closest to the true number among all the Optimist guessers. The members applauded as Mrs. Kerbs concluded her presentation and received an Optimist pen from President Burenheide as thanks for same.
In a weekly drawing that bled most of the members and guests dry, President Burenheide won $2.00, $4.00 went to Former President Rich Jaggard, and tee shirt boy Dr. George Durler won the $7.00 corporate greed prize.
NEXT WEEK'S MEETING WILL PROBABLY BE AT FARM CREDIT--WATCH YOUR E-MAIL FOR MORE DETAILS!
A sparse but uppity crowd of eight rattled around inside the ornate Veterans' Hall of Honor in the Emporia State University Memorial Union as President Bob Burenheide called the Thursday, July 30, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Sheriff and Co-Chaplain Ken Hanson delivered a fine Invocation and led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Matthew Fowler, sponsored by his father, Former President Stan Fowler.
The scheduled guest speaker having postponed her appearance due to a sudden community health crisis, President Burenheide started off this week's open meeting by calling upon Flint Hills Optimist Club Pancake Feed Co-Chairman Ken Hanson to report on the preparations which are being made for this fall's flapjack festival. Noting that Co-Chair Courtney Graves was understandably absent while she ironed out last minute details for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters fundraising softball tournament, Sheriff Hanson told the members that Courtney demonstrated her efficiency by reserving the National Guard Armory for the Saturday, October 10, 2009 pancake party with lightning speed, and that Ken has obtained the contract with Chris Cakes, the same to be submitted to the board for approval at the Tuesday, August 4, 2009 meeting. Co-Chairman Hanson noted the increasing price of wheat and hops, the former affecting the cost of pancakes and the latter impacting the financial well-being of the Adult Beverage Subcommittee. Ken also said that Chris Cakes has not raised its per plate price from 2008, and suggested that the Club distribute tickets to local media outlets so that the feed may be adequately promoted among area pancake snarfers. Ken further proposed that the tables and chairs be set up the night before so that the Optimists don't have to arrive at the Armory much before 5:00 o'clock on Saturday morning, October 10. Thanks and appreciation go out to Ken and Courtney for making the passing of the pancake torch from Former President Steve Mollach a seamless transition.
President Burenheide then asked if any of the members had heard if any progress was being made in the planned formation of an Optimist Club in Chase County by a teacher who is interested in spreading Optimism to the wild, wild west. After Sheriff Ken Hanson shifted his priorities from pancakes to dollars by fining Former President Stan Fowler for a nametag violation and Stan's signature "Bite me!" retort, President Burenheide circulated the Little Red Bucket so the members could offer up coins and currency to Optimist International to support the fight against childhood cancer.
As for upcoming guest speakers, the members learned that Beverly Kerbs of the regional Red Cross blood collection network will speak next Thursday, and that Prue Schmidt will address the members on August 13 about the New Broom Sweeps Clean initiative which calls upon dirty service club members to help spruce up Emporia. President Burenheide reminded an already despondent Former President Mike Alpers that he managed to edge out Janna Stegmaier to fill Dr. Betsy Yanik's place on the board, mainly because Mike walked about in broad daylight where anyone could nominate him while Janna played it smart and stayed out of sight until the selection process was over. Congratulations to Mike for his ascension to the board.
Although no one asked him to do so, Former President Alpers then introduced young Matthew "C.B." Fowler as this week's guest speaker. Matthew described how he got up early last weekend and helped Jana Austin, an H.B.O. movie producer from New York, film her first independent flick, a documentary that started out to be about prairie burning in the Flint Hills but has since been expanded to include cowboys and cattle drives as well. Matt told the Optimists how he held the camera steady while riding in a truck as eight hundred cattle were driven four miles by a collection of cowboys who smirked at Ms. Austin when they learned that she is a vegetarian. Matthew told the Optimists that Ms. Austin got the idea for the film when she read a book by local prairie fire photographer Larry Schwarm, and the result was the younger Fowler shooting film for six hours in the Flint Hills last Saturday. Matt told the Optimists that Ms. Austin hopes to have a promotional trailer ready in a month or two, and to return to Kansas next April for more shooting when the Flint Hills is ablaze. The plan is for the finished documentary to be sold to the Discovery or National Geographic cable channels. Matthew's informative presentation resulted in no applause, Optimist cups or Optimist pens, establishing that Stan's only son has finally arrived as a non-dues paying Flint Hills Optimist.
After Sheriff Ken Hanson fined Former President Mike Alpers for chiding President Burenheide about his attendance at district conventions but before the meeting fizzled to a conclusion without recitation of the Optimist Creed, a bummer of a weekly drawing saw a suddenly inspired Former President Mike Alpers win $3.00 and the $5.00 jackpot fall into Vice President-Elect Bobby Thompson's eager hands.
LOOK FOR THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMISTS BACK IN THE K.S.T.C. ROOM NEXT THURSDAY, AND BRING ALONG ANY-ONE WHO ISN'T A NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT!
Coming up one guy short of the dirty dozen, eleven members and guests crowded into the Black and Gold Room of the Emporia State University Memorial Union as President Bob Burenheide called the Thursday, July 23, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Sheriff Ken Hanson showed his versatility by delivering the Invocation, leading the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance, and spending the rest of the noon hour levying enough fines to finance President Obama's proposed national health program, although Ken conscientiously fined himself for whiffing on the last half of the Pledge. Guests at this week's meeting were Deanna "Glass Smasher" Durler, sponsored by her father, Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler, and Ben Stallings, brought by Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham, with Sheriff Hanson fining President Burenheide for failing to call for the introduction of guests until the members were eating dessert and pondering various items of Club business.
Since this week's scheduled guest speaker had to postpone her appearance due to the lack of video facilities in the Black and Gold Room, President Burenheide started off the open meeting by circulating various items of Club correspondence from Optimist International and Former Governor Ruth Nelson, the latter informing the members about the upcoming district-wide picnic and Ruth Nelson Childhood Cancer Research Fundraising Walk. Even something as benign as reading the Club's mail prompted Sheriff Ken Hanson to fine Steve Younger for giving the cards and notices the cold shoulder. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler reported that he e-mailed Kayla Oney after seeing her in some sort of flamboyant get-up on a Channel 49 newscast recently. Kayla relayed her best wishes to the Flint Hills Optimists, rekindling hopes that she will visit Emporia and sell Christmas trees in a few months, and also reprise her starring role as the Easter Bunny at next spring's Easter Egg Hunt.
After the members cheered when President Burenheide declared a one week moratorium on passing around the Little Red Bucket, even as Sheriff Hanson promised a grand jury investigation into suspicions that Former President Darrell Jones has paid some of his fines with pennies, Ken told the members that he and Courtney Graves are hard at work preparing for this fall's Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed, even though the date hasn't been set, Chris Cakes hasn't been contacted, and the Pancake Feed Committee has no clue about the direction that wheat futures will take in the coming weeks.
President Bob "Gas Passer" Burenheide then proudly described how he curried favor with Karen Sommers off E.S.B. Financial by providing helium for the Water Melon Olympics which were recently held during the Home Grown celebration at the Farmers' Market, although the members speculated with trepidation what helium might be used for in connection with water melon sports. President Burenheide silenced the doubters by reporting that Mrs. Sommers expressed her graditude by donating $100 to the Club as a result of Bob's initiative, thereby putting talk of impeachment on the back burner once again. In other news which indicated that the Club's financial fortunes were improving faster than the national economy, even without stimulus funds, Former President Joe Michaels said that our Sit 'N Spin Wishing Well is producing a steady, if unspectacular, income stream for Flint Hills Optimist treasury, yielding not only money but some pretty disgusting drawing prizes. Former President Michaels has also been replenishing cards for those local businesses which advertise at the well, and told the members that he has been checking into the possibility of our Club buying its own Wish 'N Spin, especially since Roger the Wishing Well guy is talking about retiring from the throw-your-money-down-a-rathole business. The members speculated that Roger might even sell the Club one of his Sit 'N Spins, and that the Optimists could run the project more efficiently and without the hassle of spending a week at a time soliciting advertising all over town. Thanks went out to Joe for his hard work and dedication in making sure the well is properly managed and turns a tidy profit for the Club.
In other items of Optimist business, the members spoke approvingly of the possibility of meeting in the Frontier Farm Credit conference room when the Emporia State University Memorial Union is closed between the end of the second summer semester and the start of school in the fall, with Former President Bernie Toso being elected in absentia to cater the affair at a substantial discount. The members were urged to shower and put on clean clothes before showing up for next Thursday's meeting in the classy Veteran's Hall of Honor Room of the Union, thanks to the fancy scheduling work of Janna Stegmaier. One guest speaker or another will address the Club next week, and President Burenheide vowed to have E.S.U. Memorial Union Director Dave Hendricks speak to the Club soon about the renovations planned for the Union. The business portion of the meeting ended with Former President Joe Michaels reporting that the Club made some nice change on the July 4, 2009 fireworks display, even after Secretary-Treasurer Durler paid for the explosives, George himself being fined by Sheriff Ken Hanson for misappropriating Former President Stan Fowler's "bite me" philosophy of life, and President Burenheide pulling out some whip-like toy that Joe Michaels retrieved from the Sit 'N Spin last year and playing with it to the discomfort of the members.
The Optimists waived recitation of the Creed but not the weekly drawing, with Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler winning $3.00 and a superball from the bowels of the Sit 'N Spin, $3.50 and some kind of strange Chinese string apparatus from deep in the well going to President Bob Burenheide, and Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham winning $4.00 and a green plastic space alien, the parsimonious Doc showing that it's far too early for the Christmas spirit to take hold by keeping the money and giving the alien to George Durler's child.
I DON'T ALWAYS GO TO SERVICE CLUB MEETINGS, BUT WHEN I DO, I GO TO THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB--STAY THIRSTY, MY FRIENDS, AND SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY IN THE VETERANS HALL OF HONOR.
Thirteen verbal martial artists and a guest showed up in the K.S.T.C. Room of the Emporia State University Memorial Union as President Bob Burenheide made a surprise appearance and called the July 16, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones presented a spiritually uplifting Invocation and led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Ciara Currie, sponsored by Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler, with the members marveling that young Matthew Fowler inexplicably chose band camp over cheerleader-ogling with the Flint Hills Optimists.
President Bob Burenheide started the meeting by laying the successful 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club fireworks gala to rest, with Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler reporting that once the Optimists get the bill for the fireworks shoot insurance policy, the City of Emporia will reimburse the Club for the premium. George added that the financial allocation for the fire-works display has been received from Lyon County.
Flint Hills Optimist Club Golf Classic Co-Chairmen Parry Briggs, Mike Utech, and Former President Rich Jaggard told the members that the previous Saturday's tournament went very well, with the rain holding off, the beverages flowing freely, no one suffering life-threatening injuries, and the Club actually making a pretty decent profit on the event. Former President Jaggard said that eighteen teams participated in the Classic, and Rich thanked Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler, Sheriff Ken Hanson, Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham, and Former President Steve "MO" Mollach for helping with the registration table, the two specialty holes, and the putting contest, the latter taking an extra round before four also-rans were eliminated and the Stud Putter Award was presented to the best short player on the course.
In other Club business, the members also briefly discussed the need to replace the suddenly employed Evergreen Emperor and Former President Bob Glover as the daytime sales manager at this year's Flint Hills Optimist Club Christmas tree lot. A whispering campaign to nominate real estate mogul Jeff Kitselman took root during the meeting. After singing the praises of Sheriff Ken Hanson and Courtney Graves for agreeing to succeed Former President Steve "MO" Mollach as this year's Flint Hills Optimist Club Pancake Feed brain trust, with Mike Utech wondering aloud when he might get some Golf Classic Committee relief, President Burenheide passed around the Little Red Bucket to raise funds so that Optimist International can do its part to eliminate childhood cancer.
The members then contemplated an appropriate venue for next Thursday's meeting, having been previously informed that the Memorial Union is booked solid with other groups on July 23. However, the Optimists ex-pressed hope that the Union might accomodate our Club somehow, with Mike Utech offering the use of the Frontier Farm Credit conference room and President Burenheide holding out the possibility of preplaced orders from Planet Sub for lunch if the Union really does run out of room. With Sheriff Ken Hanson being absent and no one else caring very much, no fines for advertising were levied upon Mike or Bob. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler agreed to check on the Union's availability with Janna Stegmaier, and President Burenheide will e-mail meeting plans to the members prior to next Thursday.
The members gave Program Chairman and Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler an anemic round of applause as he ascended to the podium and introduced Emporia High School student Ciara Currie as this week's guest speaker. Ms. Currie told the members how, thanks at least in part to our Club's financial sponsorship, she and three other young ladies from Emporia participated in American Legion Girls' State last month. Held on the University of Kansas campus, Girls' State, and its counterpart, Boys' State, are weeklong exercises designed to teach high school students the principles of representative democracy and good government. Ms. Currie described how she showed up a little bit late for this year's Girls' State session, and was immediately involved in a meeting on the dorm floor which housed one county subdivided into two cities, the meeting presided over by last year's Girls' State governor and lieutenant governor. The girls are assigned membership in either the Federalist or Nationalist Party, and Ms. Currie said that she received a rude reception when the 2008 lieutenant govenor accidentally spilled iced tea on Ciara's shirt.
Ms. Currie told the Optimists how the whole week was jam-packed with speakers from various walks of life, Ciara's favorite being one Lisa Beardsley, who gave the young ladies pointers on how to avoid being abducted and assaulted on the tough streets of Kansas City, Kansas. Ms. Currie also recounted how she passed the bar examination and was thereby eligible to run for any office that required legal training. The young candidates were awakened at 6:30 each morning, and quickly engaged in "whistlestop tours" on each dorm floor as they ran for city, county and state offices in the primary elections within their assigned parties by presenting some jazzy campaign speeches set to music and reflecting themes such as "cheerleading" and "superheroes." The winners then appeared before a Girls' State party rally and made their pitches for election as governor, lieutenant governor, attorney general, insurance commissioner and secretary of state in a more refined manner. Ms. Currie said that she got enough signatures on her petition to run for insurance commissioner, and was elected to that exalted position, even though she knew little about the office or what it entailed. The speaker reported that the Federalist Party won the general election, and that she participated as insurance commissioner in a spirited policy debate on the merits of a cigarette smoking ban.
Ms. Currie also said that the girls went to Topeka and had a photo op in the governor's office, and that she received some snazzy gifts from the assistant state insurance commissioner. The young ladies had lunch on the capitol grounds and heard a number of sleep-inducing speeches, but did enjoy an appearance by some area World War II veterans who instructed them on flag etiquette. Ms. Currie described the morning flag raising ceremonies and the flag lowering rituals at night outside the Dole Center, and told the Optimists that she greatly enjoyed Girls' State and would like to return next year as a counselor or an alumna. After answering questions posed by the members, Ms. Currie received applause from the crowd and an Optimist pen from President Burenheide as thanks for her entertaining presentation.
In a weekly drawing that flew in the face of everything Girls' State stands for and appeared to have been devised by some aspiring bolsheviks at the Young Peoples' Communist Party Convention, Mike Utech won the $2.00 Main Street Mary Prize, $4.00 went to Parry Briggs, and Robert Sullivan lined his pockets with $7.00 of the working peoples' money.
GIRD YOUR LOINS AND SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY!
President Bob Burenheide called the July 9, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order, with Co-Chaplain Ken "The Sheriff" Hanson taking a break from fining the members into oblivion to deliver the Invocation and lead a Steve-infested crowd of fourteen in the Pledge of Allegiance. Matthew Fowler, sponsored by his father, Former President Stan Fowler, was this week's only guest.
President Burenheide tried to begin this week's open meeting by reporting on action taken at the Tuesday, July 7, 2009 session of the Board of Directors, but was frustrated by a rolling controversy about the integrity of what everyone knew was a weekly drawing that had no integrity at all. Sheriff Ken Hanson started by fining Former President Steve "MO" Mollach and Courtney Graves for disorderly conduct, and ended up levying fines on Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham and Robert Sullivan for a verbal melee, while President Burenheide fumed at the podium. Order having been finally restored after Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler paid "MO" Mollach's fine for excessively colorful language, President Burenheide told the Club that the directors reluctantly accepted Dr. Betsy Yanik's resignation from the board due to health considerations and a busy work and travel schedule, and agreed that either Former President Mike Alpers or Janna Stegmaier would fill Betsy's position, the selection going to whichever candidate is more susceptible to blackmail and bribery.
The board also discussed the need for a new Pancake Feed Chair, and reviewed the Flint Hills Optimist Club Fourth of July Fireworks Spectacular at the Jones Aquatic Center. The members applauded Former President Bernie Toso for a masterful shoot, and extended thanks to all who helped put on the display, namely, Former President Joe Michaels, Former President Stan Fowler, Matthew "Fire Boy" Fowler, Former President Steve "MO" Mollach, President Bob Burenheide, and Sheriff Ken Hanson. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler was praised for an excellent culinary performance on the Frontier Farm Credit grill that was loaned to the Club by Parry Briggs, and President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas, Steve Younger, and this reporter were also recognized for their supporting roles in assisting with the shoot. The Fireworks Committee advised that glowing comments about the fireworks display had been received from the local media and the spectators alike. Former President Steve "MO" Mollach was lauded for his heroism in stomping out burning cakes of fireworks, but his claim for reimbursement for injuries sustained in his fire dance was denied. Not one to hold a grudge, "MO" responded by unloading his fraudulent drawing tickets on an unsuspecting Matthew Fowler. President Burenheide told the members that he checked with Schumann Electric, and was given the go-ahead for our Club to keep the $300 donation which that company graciously contributed for the fireworks project.
After Sheriff Ken Hanson fined Courtney Graves and Former President Stan Fowler for their pointed criticism of Former President Steve "MO" Mollach, Former President Rich "Jagg" Jaggard reminded the members that the 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club Golf Classic and Chug-a-Thon would tee off at 8:30 a.m. on Saturday, July 11 at the Emporia Municipal Golf Course and that sixteen teams had signed up for the tournament, with another couple of squads in the offing. Rich predicted that the Classic would turn a modest but acceptable profit for the Club, and thanked all those members who had donated prizes for the drawing and the various hole competitions. Classic Co-Chairman Jaggard said that there would be a putting contest and a long-drive challenge for the golfers, that Secretary-Treasurer and Optimist of the Year Dr. George Durler, Former President Darrell Jones, and Sheriff Ken Hanson would operate the registration table, and that Former President Steve "MO" Mollach would assist with the putting competition, with Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham to lend a hand after doing duty at the Farmers' Market. After the luckless Courtney Graves and President-Elect Dr. Bryan Douglas were chastised by some for not entering teams in the Classic, Sheriff Ken Hanson reached the end of his patience and fined Former President Jaggard for suggesting that Former President Steve "MO" Mollach's golf game might not win him a spot on the seniors tour.
In an inspiring display of service to the Club, Sheriff Ken Hanson and Courtney Graves stepped up and volunteered to co-chair the 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed. Outgoing Chairman and Former President Steve "MO" Mollach promised to turn over the Pancake Feed Instruction Manual that he has written for just such an occasion, but suggested that Ken and Courtney start by reserving the National Guard Armory and contacting Chris Cakes to arrange for that firm's presence on the appointed day. Sheriff Hanson punctuated the discussion by fining Former President Stan Fowler for commenting that the Pancake Feed Chairmanship is slightly less challenging than being in charge of the Sarah Palin-David Letterman Reunion Tour.
As for upcoming programs, Former President Rich Jaggard will arrange the speaker next Thursday, Sheriff Ken Hanson will bring Kathy Butcher to address the Club on July 23, and Regional Red Cross Blood Chairwoman Bev Kerbs will appear as the guest speaker on July 30. The members tactfully changed the subject when Former President Steve "MO" Mollach offered to give an hour long presentation on his retirement and the latest episode of "The View", but enthusiastically accepted Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler's proposal to bring Ciara Currie, the young lady who attended American Legion Girls' State on our Club's dime, to speak on August 6.
Courtney Graves then passed around applications for the July 24-26, 2009 Big Brothers/Big Sisters fundraising softball tournament, and reminded the members of the B.B.B.S. Poker Run on Saturday, July 11. Sheriff Ken Hason ended the meeting on a strong note by fining Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler for sniping at Former President Steve "MO" Mollach about his age and weak shoulders, and President Bob Burenheide's approval rating shot through the roof when he announced that he would not be in attendance at next week's meeting.
In a backwards weekly drawing that barely met civilized standards, Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler made up for missing out on a pile of unearned income last Thursday by winning the $5.00 grand prize, $4.00 went to Steve Younger, President Bob Burenheide won $3.50 in traveling money, and this reporter barely broke even by winning the $2.50 pipsqueak prize.
SUCK IT UP AND COME TO NEXT THURSDAY'S MEETING--HOW MUCH WORSE CAN IT GET?
Thirteen verbal barbarians gathered in the K.S.T.C. Room of the Emporia State University Memorial Union as President Bob Burenheide called the July 2, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order, but only after pre-bell festivities which included Former President Steve Mollach's discourse on the benefits and pitfalls of high school dance and drill squads, an annoucement by Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler that the Club had received its monthly Chester Press mailing and a $10,000 fireworks reimbursement check, and a cameo appearance by Parry Briggs' mother. Co-Chaplain and Former President Bob Glover then delivered the Invocation and led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. Besides Mrs. Briggs, this week's only other guest was Matthew Fowler, sponsored by his father, Former President Stan Fowler.
President Burenheide led off this week's open meeting by circulating the notorious Little Red Bucket, into which those present tossed coins and bills to help fund the Optimist battle against childhood cancer. Bob also passed around the latest Granada Theater newsletter and a flyer from Westar Energy.
President Burenheide then turned the floor over to Fireworks Detonation Experts and Former Presidents Joe Michaels and Stan Fowler, who reported that Master Blaster and Former President Bernie Toso had arranged to have the Club's storage semi trailer hauled to the Jones Aquatic Center, and was looking for a stand-by trailer in which to store the Club's overflow equipment and fireworks in the event of rain and a lack of room in the semi. Former President Michaels said that the explosives were scheduled to arrive on Friday morning, July 3, 2009 at 8:00 a.m., and that a couple of members with steady hands would be needed to help unload them. The rest of the Club was asked to show up at the Aquatic Center at 8:00 a.m. or thereafter on Independence Day, with the members to work in shifts throughout the day to set up tubes, squib the fireworks, install the time bars, and otherwise ready the site for that night's fireworks extravaganza. The Optimists were directed to proceed to the west entrance to the Aquatic Center in the event that the main gate is closed.
Former President Stan Fowler told the Club that he had printed some passes for use by the Flint Hills Optimists so that they could get in and out of the Aquatic Center to work the shoot after the police block off the surrounding streets on July 4, and Former President Joe Michaels estimated that the fireworks tubes would be loaded around 3:00 o'clock that afternoon. Arrangements were made for the industrial-strength Farm Credit barbecue grill to be hauled to the shoot zone, and Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler volunteered to bring charcoals, hot dogs, burgers, bratwursts and buns so that the Optimists could chow down before the fireworks display.
Those members working the event and their immediate families were invited to get an up close and personal view of the extravaganza, subject to reasonable safety precautions. Former President Michaels added that Vice President Steve "Doc" Graham, Former President Stan Fowler and his apprentice, Matthew Fowler, were putting on a pre-Fourth fireworks show at Holiday Resort that night, reportedly in exchange for donations by the residents to the Adult Beverage Subcommittee Wine Cellar Fund.
As for the July 4 Optimist Pyrotechnic Phenomenon, Former President Michaels reported that Former President Bernie Toso's destructive talents would be maximized by the use of eight inch mortar shells and, with any luck, eight inch tubes from which to launch them. The members were urged to bring fenceposts for the perimeter barrier at the Aquatic Center, with a tractor to be on hand to assist in sinking and uprooting the said posts. Former President Michaels informed the members that the City of Emporia decided at the last minute not to provide insurance coverage for our Club, so the Optimists purchased supplemental coverage on the open market, with the city to reimburse the Club out of its abundant budget surplus. The members were told that Former President Toso was checking into overnight security for the fireworks, and that Mark Shook of Waters Tru Value Hardware had agreed to loan a portable lighting unit to assist in disassembling the shoot scene after the fireworks display is completed. Finally, Ken "The Sheriff" Hanson and Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler made plans to bring water and other non-alcoholic potables to the blast site for the comfort of the members. Those Flint Hills Optimists and family members planning to attend the shoot were reminded to bring their lawn chairs. Thanks go out to Former Presidents Joe Michaels, Stan Fowler and Bernie Toso, Vice President Steve Graham, and the rest of the Club's boomers for their work on this year's fireworks display.
After Sheriff Hanson fined a number of Club nametag slackers, the members discussed final plans for the Saturday, July 11, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club Golf Classic. Classic Co-Chairman and Former President Rich Jaggard reminded the members that the tournament would tee off at 8:30 a.m., and recruited a few non-golfers to run the registration table with the help of Parry Briggs' spreadsheet, which will detail those who have entered the Classic. Parry added that a few members will be needed to help administer the putting contest, and Rich said that his Municipal Golf Course staff will cook up hamburgers and hotdogs for the golfers, the cost of which will be included, along with a couple of mulligans, in the entry fee. Co-Chairman Parry Briggs reported that a fair number of hole and drawing prizes had been accumulated, and that any others should be delivered to Farm Credit before the July 11 Classic date. Parry was then fined for ragging Former President Steve Mollach about his choice of live entertainment, with Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler paying on behalf of the impecunious Parry, who noted that about a dozen squads have committed to play on July 11 and that more teams are needed to sign up in the next week. Thanks go out to Parry Briggs, Mike Utech, and Former President Jaggard for organizing the 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club Golf Classic and Liver Abuse Festival.
After Sheriff Ken Hanson was recommended as the next Flint Hills Optmist Club Pancake Feed Chairman and took it out on a barely culpable Former President Stan Fowler by fining him for one irrelevancy or another, an unpatriotic weekly drawing saw the departed George Durler's winning tickets ignored and the $3.00 pipsqueak prize go to Former President Stan Fowler, Former President Rich Jaggard win $3.50, and the $4.00 grand prize go into President Bob Burenheide's cash-choked pockets.
HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY. AND SHOW UP AT NEXT THURSDAY'S MEETING FOR THE CLUB'S ANNUAL TRASH-TALKING FINALS!
A freebooting crowd of fourteen was on hand as President Dr. Bryan Douglas called the November 5, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered the Invocation and led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Brandon Schneider, sponsored by President Douglas, although the Club also welcomed Chad Buchholz, approved by the board as the newest Flint Hills Optimist on November 3, and Amanda Gutierriez, who showed spunk by returning to the scene of the weekly Thursday verbal atrocities.
After passing around the fabled Little Red Bucket so that the members could contribute to Optimist International's crusade against childhood cancer, President Douglas reported on actions taken by the Flint Hills Optimist Club Board of Directors on November 3. In addition to formally voting in Marion National Bank's Chad Buchholz as a Flint Hills Optimist, the board approved the 2009-2010 budget after doubling the allocation to Big Brothers/ Big Sisters, enabling the Club to sponsor a team in the Bowl for Kids' Sake bowling classic, and making other minor adjustments which became possible after Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler discovered some additional revenue. Amanda Gutierrez growled upon learning that the Club's financial sponsorship of youth sports teams in the various leagues operated by the Emporia Recreation Commission would remain unchanged from last year, barring a sales bonanza at this year's Christmas tree lot. George also reported that our Club has been subsidizing more of each member's share of dues that go to Optimist International and the Kansas District thereof, due to increases at the upper echelons of the Optimist hierarchy. President Dr. Bryan Douglas added that there will be some discussion about making a contribution to the general athletic fund at Emporia State University.
As for the 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club Christmas tree lot, Bryan told the members that the board decided that Club volunteers will be asked to cover the lot from 2:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. on weekdays for fifteen to twenty days after the lot opens on November 27, with the absent Former President Steve Mollach being volunteered without his knowledge for the lion's share of that duty. A sign-up sheet for daytime help will be circulated prior to the lot being set up on Saturday, November 21, and Christmas Tree Co-Chairman Emeritus and Former President Bob Glover will schedule the evening shift for the first week or so, with all members to advise Bob by e-mail of the days and nights they cannot work. President Douglas said that there has been some wild talk about a special committee to negotiate with Clint Bowyer's 79 Foundation concerning a purchase of trees to be given to the needy, with Flint Hills Optimist and Emporia City Commissioner Kevin Nelson being especially optimistic about the prospects for such an arrangement.
In other board business, President Douglas related that all members who currently get this Newsletter by postal mail will be encouraged to provide
e-mail addresses so it can be sent to them electronically, thereby avoiding postage expenses for the Club, and that advertising graphics will likely be scrapped, with those merchants who choose to support our Newsletter financially to be recognized in a list of sponsors rather than full-blown ads, with the advertising rates to be reduced from $50 to $75. Bryan emphasized that the Flint Hills Optimist Newsletter Reform Act is a work in progress, with modifications of the proposed changes possible in the weeks to come.
After revealing that March 27, 2010 is being considered as the night for the next Flint Hills Optimist Club High School All-Star Basketball Classic, with the Classic banquet tentatively slated for March 24, and that Rick Robidou of Flint Hills Lazer Expressions is scheduled to be next week's guest speaker, President Dr. Bryan Douglas double-dipped as Program Chairman and introduced Emporia State University Womens' Basketball Coach Brandon Schneider as this week's guest speaker. Choosing to address the Club informally, Coach Schneider prefaced his remarks by telling the members that his perspective on life's priorities has changed since his marriage during the past year and the recent birth of his first child, and also said that Emporia State University is only the second place he has ever received a paycheck, first as an assistant womens' coach and, for the past twelve years, as the head coach. Acknowledging that his teams have had a fair amount of success over the years, Coach Schneider expressed gratitude for the support of local citizens, not only for E.S.U. athletic programs and for the university itself, but for the work that organizations like the Flint Hills Optimist Club do for other sectors of the community.
As for this year's Lady Hornet squad, Coach Schneider said that he has a lot of newcomers and asked the fans to be patient and not judge his athletes by Sunday's game against a very good K.U. team. The coach also noted that his players are suffering from a variety of pre-season injuries, including an arthroscopic knee procedure undergone by forward Alli Volkens, an injury that will keep guard Sophia Lenard out of action for two weeks, and a broken finger suffered by guard Jamie Augustyn. Coach Schneider added that he hopes to suit up nine more or less healthy hoopsters for the tilt against the Jayhawks, and said that his returning players from last season include Lacey Corker and star guard Cassondra Boston.
The Club was told that the Lady Hornets will sponsor their own tournament before hitting the road for tourneys in Joplin, Missouri and San Francisco, and the coach expressed the hope that the N.C.A.A. will enact a rule mandating seven days off for Division I and II players during the holiday season, thereby allowing the student/athletes to spend time with their families. Coach Schneider then answered several questions from the members, remarking that having many teams in the M.I.A.A. makes it easier to schedule fewer pre-conference home games, which are not especially profitable for E.S.U. The speaker also estimated that Washburn, a physically large Pittsburg State team, and the Lady Hornets might be in contention for the M.I.A.A. title, although Washburn is somewhat of an unknown quantity due to a number of new players. Coach Schneider also said that he was gratified that E.S.U. ranked either second or third in the nation in attendance last year, and stated that he hopes to announce the signing of three very talented high school recruits next Wednesday. The members applauded Coach Schneider for his presentation, and President Douglas presented him with an Optimist mug as thanks for his appearance before the Club.
In a technical foul of a weekly drawing, Former President Bob Glover impersonated Main Street Mary by winning $2.00, $3.00 went to Amanda Gutierrez, Robert Novak made off with $4.00 in greenbacks, and the $5.00 grand prize went to Parry Briggs.
SALUTE AMERICA'S VETERANS NEXT WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, THEN SPAR WITH THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMISTS THE DAY AFTER, NOVEMBER 12, IN THE P .D.K ROOM OF THE E.S.U. MEMORIAL UNION!
Thirteen verbal saloon brawlers were on hand as President Dr. Bryan Douglas called the Thursday, October 29, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order in the Emporia State University Memorial Union's K.S.T.C. Room. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered an eloquent Invocation and led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's crowd included Chad Buchholz, a new member sure to be formally approved at the next board meeting, but no guests.
After passing around the storied Little Red Bucket so that the members could deposit cash on the barrelhead to help fund the Optimist International fight against childhood cancer, President Douglas circulated a letter from the Emporia Public Library which thanked the Club for its contribution in mem-ory of Former President Stan Fowler's father, the late Ray Fowler. The members also examined a schedule that Janna Stegmaier got from E.S.U. and passed on to Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler which notified Union patrons of the days when lunch in the Skyline Room will be a little extra special and cost a wee bit more, namely, November 18 (Thanksgiving meal) and December 9 (the Christmas repast before the students go home for the holidays). Since both meals fall on Wednesday, the deviation from normal would not appear to affect the Flint Hills Optimist Club at all.
This week's meeting being open due to the last minute cancellation of the scheduled speaker, President Douglas told the members that arrangements have been made for our Club to meet in the P.D.K. Room, the traditional haunt of the Flint Hills Optimists, for most meetings in the foreseeable future, starting next week. There will be a few Thursdays when P.D.K. is not available and the Club will gather elsewhere in the building.
President Dr. Bryan Douglas then led the members through a snappy discussion of upcoming Flint Hills Optimist Club projects, starting with next month's Christmas tree lot. The members resolved to meet at Guion's Furniture Showcase parking lot at 8:00 a.m. on Saturday, November 21, 2009 to unload and repair the Club's Christmas tree equipment, set up the lot and unload the trees. Those who are so inclined may congregate at 7:00 a.m. for breakfast, the venue of which will be decided sometime before November 21.
Christmas Tree Co-Chairman Emeritus and Former President Bob Glover reported that he has received a new shipment of Tree Life and the bill for same, and has also contacted City Commissioner Kevin Nelson about having Red Line, Inc. transport the trees from Wisconsin to Guion's on November 21. Former President Bob Burenheide, savoring his new title, said he would arrange for the Club's storage semi trailer to be hauled to the lot, line up the Christmas Tree Central trailer, and have dozens of wooden pallets on hand. Former President Joe Michaels extolled the virtues of parking the trailer so that the contents can be unloaded and set up without being carried six blocks to where they are needed, but also in a location where the semi won't be in the way of the motoring public.
The call then went out for additional poles, stakes and cable ties to secure the plastic fence, with the condition of the fence itself declared to be adequate. Former President Glover said he would be on the lookout for those items and would even get the ball rolling on scheduling tree lot workers, but that other members of the Club need to experience the joy of Christmas tree lot management. Bob told newcomers in the Club that they should e-mail him with the days during the run-up to Christmas when they absolutely cannot work, and that he will schedule around their various holiday commitments, provided that they line up substitutes to cover for them during last minute scheduling conflicts. Former President Glover will assemble his tree lot sales force from a membership list provided by Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler. The members were reminded that the annual tree sale will start the day after Thanksgiving, and other tree lot details and benefits, such as trading an evergreen for the portable toilet, the body-warming comfort of Courtney Graves' hot soup on a cold day at the lot, and the holiday cheer dispensed by Steve Graham's Adult Beverage Subcommittee, were relished and savored by the members; on the other hand, memories of the rotgut beverage bootlegged to the lot by Sheriff Ken Hanson when he was a rookie tree salesman made many veteran Flint Hills Optimists shudder. President Douglas told the members that even before receiving a solicitation letter from the Club, Clint Bowyer's 79 Foundation has expressed excitement about the prospect of buying some of our trees early in the season and delivering them to less fortunate members of the community. The tree lot planning session ended rudely when Sheriff Ken Hanson fined Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler for presumptuously volunteering new member Chad Buchholz as a tree lot worker, and also hitting Chad in the wallet for making a face at the prospect of working with George.
In other Club business, Easter Egg Hunt Czar and Former President Darrell Jones was fined by a hypercritical Sheriff Ken Hanson for deferring plans on next spring's Flint Hills Optimist Club hunt until he determines whether the Obama Administration will even allow Easter to be celebrated. No reports were presented from the Fireworks Committee, High School All-Star Basket-ball Classic Task Force, or the Golf Classic Committee, although Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler waxed optimistic about next year's wheat crop and the prospects for a bang-up pancake feed in light of the rainy weather.
President Dr. Bryan Douglas reminded the Club's officers, directors and gung-ho rank and file that the board will meet Tuesday, November 3, 2009 at the Emporia State University Memorial Union, and that he has arranged for Emporia State Basketball Coaches Brandon Schneider and David Moe to address the Club next week, with local entrepeneur Rick Robidou to speak the Thursday after that. The business portion of the meeting ended with remarks about obtaining a Club camera and the need for ads in this Newsletter.
Before actually concluding the meeting with a respectable recitation of the Optimist Creed, a weekly drawing that should result in a K.B.I. investigation saw Sheriff Ken Hanson win $4.00, then have to fine himself for trying to jump Former President Joe Michaels' claim to the next winning ticket that eventually netted Joe $4.00, and the $5.00 grand prize going to a pumped-up President Dr. Bryan Douglas.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER SOCIAL NONCONFORM-IST--SHOW UP NEXT WEEK FOR THE THURSDAY, NOVEM-BER 5, 2009 MEETING OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB!
Fourteen members and two guests, most of them looking for a verbal rumble, congregated in the Phi Delta Kappa Room as President Dr. Bryan Douglas called the Thursday, October 22, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered the Invocation and led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's guests were Melissa Windsor, sponsored by President Douglas, and Matthew Fowler, brought by his father, Former President Stan Fowler. The Club also welcomed its newest official member, Janet Haag, to the meeing.
After Sheriff Ken "Hawkeye" Hanson fined President Douglas for kicking off the meeting by ringing the bell twice, then again for attempting to pay his fine out of the accumulated donations in the Little Red Bucket, Bryan regained his momentum by passing around the said bucket, into which the members tossed coin and currency as ammunition for the Optimist International fight against childhood cancer.
As for the more mundane items of Club business on President Douglas' agenda, Christmas Tree Co-Chairman Emeritus and Former President Bob Glover confirmed that the evergreens have been ordered and that he is working diligently with Emporia City Commissioner, trucking mogul and Flint Hills Optimist Kevin Nelson to have the trees dumped at Guion's parking lot on Saturday, November 21, 2009. Plans are for the members to do repair work on the tree lot equipment that very day, as the racks and assorted paraphernalia are removed from the storage trailer. President Douglas reminded the Optimists that help is needed to line up the work schedule for the tree lot sales force and to generally ride herd on this year's project, as well as to sell trees on weekday afternoons.
Those present expressed their agreement with President Douglas that the Phi Delta Kappa (P.D.K.) Room, which was the Club's old stomping grounds when it moved to the Union for the Thursday luncheon meetings, is preferable to the other venues to which we have been assigned. Bryan said that he would make arrangements for the Club to meet in P.D.K. every Thursday when it is available, which may not include next week. The members concurred that they feel more at home in the Phi Delta Kappa Room, and that it might seem cozier yet if Steve "Doc" Graham's Adult Beverage Subcommittee would furnish liquid refreshments therein every Thursday.
Sheriff Ken Hanson reported that Chris Cakes sent him a questionnaire about the services provided by Erica the Pancake Flipper, who kept the griddle hot and cooked hundreds of flapjacks at the October 10 Flint Hills Optimist Club Pancake Feed. The members who were present agreed that she performed her duties with grace, flair and humor, notwithstanding the pancake which she flipped that sideswiped a senior citizen's glasses on the way down to his plate. The Optimists were also willing to overlook Erica's naivete, which became apparent when she complimented the Club for being well organized, especially after she helped solve a thorny problem with the big plastic jug of Tang. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler reminded the members to turn in ticket proceeds as well as unsold tickets, or better yet find some live ones on the street and sell the tickets to them after the fact.
President Dr. Bryan Douglas then served as Program Chairman and introduced Melissa Windsor as this week's guest speaker. Mrs. Windsor, the Executive Director of the Emporia Arts Council, presented a slide show which described some of the many activities and programs that E.A.C. provides to the community and surrounding area, children and adults alike. The members were told that the Arts Council puts on the annual Chalk Fest in downtown Emporia and holds art classes for children every Wednesday morning during the school year. The E.A.C. building on Mechanic Street is also the home to adult free-lance painting sessions, sponsored by the Flint Hills Artists Guild, thereby giving older citizens a chance to express their artistic abilities in several paint media without formal instruction.
Mrs. Windsor emphasized that the Emporia Arts Council focuses heavily on getting children involved in the arts by offering such programs as Project QUEST, a cooperative venture with U.S.D. 253 which allows Emporia State University elementary education majors a chance to gain some classroom experience by working once per week with young people. The students interact with positive adult role models, and many of the young instructors from E.S.U. have written to Mrs. Windsor to tell her how valuable the program was to them as they proceeded in their careers in education. Mrs. Windsor also showed a photo of the E.A.C. Artmobile, a converted Frito Lay truck that has been refurbished, except for some leftover potato chips and a lack of air conditioning, and is driven to area community events to promote the arts. The speaker added that the Artmobile will compete with the Flint Hills Optimist Club/Big Brothers and Big Sisters/Sterling House float in the upcoming Emporia Christmas Parade.
Mrs. Windsor told the Club that the Golden Dragon Acrobats, sponsored by the Arts Council, was the first program which performed in the newly refurbished Granada Theater last year, and that she was pleased that the acrobats put on a sneak preview performance for area kids, many of whom would not have otherwise been able to attend the regularly scheduled show. The members were told that when assigned to write a report for school, one youngster devoted his essay to the acrobats' performance. Mrs. Windsor also said that the Spencers' Theater of Illusion also put on a show at the Granada, after which the performers visited a special education class at Riverside Elementary School where they wowed the kids by teaching them magic tricks involving dollar bills and other common items.
Mrs. Windsor expressed the hope that E.A.C. programs will be bigger and better in the years to come, citing the popularity of the Play Studio, a pottery project taught by an E.S.U. artist, and a Ceramics Survivor Class which the Arts Council sponsors at Emporia High School and which is taught free of charge by cancer survivor and E.H.S. teacher Alan Keck. The Emporia Arts Council is also involved in the Brown Bag Concerts and Live in the Lot music and movie presentations during the summer months. Mrs. Windsor then told the members that the demolition of the buildings next door north of the Granada Theater will most likely be completed in a week or so, and that construction of the new E.A.C. building should be finished in time for a January, 2011 grand opening. The speaker showed floor plans of the new facility, which will include classrooms for school field trips, a theater suitable for recitals, galleries within galleries, and pivoting walls so that the rooms can be configured for specific presentations. Mrs. Windsor said that the Arts Council is salvaging all of the materials possible from the demolished buildings for reuse or resale later, and invited the Optimists to the E.A.C.'s holiday open house and gift sale on November 21, complete with candies for sale from the Sweet Granada at a 10% discount. After answering questions from the members and pointing out that the new Arts Council building will feature red brick, limestone and a little steel so as to blend in with its downtown surroundings, Mrs. Windsor concluded her presentation to cheers from the members and guests in attendance.
Before dispensing with the recitation of the Optimist Creed, the Club engaged in a spurious weekly drawing that saw $2.00 go to Ron Whitney, Former President Steve Mollach win $3.00, $4.00 end up in Janet Haag's purse, and Former President Darrell Jones make off with the $6.00 grand prize.
SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY AND LOOK AROUND THE UNION UNTIL YOU FIND THE RIGHT MEETING ROOM!
An uppity crowd of nineteen shoehorned into the P.K.P. Room of the Emporia State University Memorial Union as President Dr. Bryan Douglas called the October 15, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered the Invocation, and led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's guests were Bing Xu and Katelyn Kaiser, sponsored by President Douglas, and the Club also welcomed its newest members, Janet Haag and Chad Buchholz, back to the Thursday verbal skirmishes.
Avoiding a fine by immediately circulating the much heralded Little Red Bucket for the purpose of collecting funds for the Optimist International fight against childhood cancer, President Douglas launched into the meeting agenda, reminding the members that volunteers must step forward next month and in December to cover the Flint Hills Optimist Club Christmas tree lot weekdays from 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m., and to supervise the tree sales in general. Bryan then drew stares and looks of wonderment from the members as he read an Optimist International directive which urged Optimists to wear their nametags in broad daylight throughout the month of October, thereby prompting questions from passersby that might lead to the recruitment of potential members. Sheriff Ken Hanson fined Steve Younger and Former President Steve Mollach for spurious comments, but demonstrated his sense of fairness and equity by threatening to fine Optimist International for its role in causing the uproar in the first place.
As for the Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed, Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler announced that the Club made a respectable profit on the project, with more ticket proceeds yet to be received from such luminaries as Co-Chairs Ken Hanson and Courtney Graves. George reported that three hundred twenty-five customers showed up at the National Guard Armory to eat pancakes on October 10, including a distressingly healthy number of walk-in diners. Thanks were extended to all those who helped set up tables and chairs on Friday night and the members who showed up to put on the feed Saturday morning, and especially to Ken and Courtney for excellent work in organizing and promoting the flapjack fiesta. Sheriff Hanson generated gasps of amazement by passing along a compliment from Erica, the Chris Cakes Pancake Flipper, that our Club was very well organized, a charge seldom levelled at the Flint Hills Optimists by anyone.
President Dr. Bryan Douglas then did double duty as Program Chairman by introducing Bing Xu and Katelyn Kaiser as this week's guest speakers. Bing Xu, Head Coach of the Emporia State University womens' volleyball team, told the members that his squad is currently ranked number eight in the nation in Division II volleyball, and was preparing for a Friday night, October 16, 2009 showdown against number seven Washburn at White Auditorium. More importantly, Coach Xu said that his team consists of fourteen young ladies who work hard on and off the court, and that the Hornet volleyball squad ranked at the top of a coaches' association poll and won a recent award for academic achievement. The members were told that the Lady Hornets put out maximum effort in team workouts, as verified by Former President Stan Fowler, who conducts surveillance on the ladies from Printing Plus as they limp out of the auditorium after rigorous practice sessions, but that they have a great deal of fun off the court. Coach Xu explained that his philosophy is that although he is the players' coach during practices and games, he is their friend away from volleyball and is on a first name basis with his charges. The speaker said that his team has improved by leaps and bounds over the past two seasons, and that he and his players greatly appreciate the support shown by the community.
Answering questions from the Optimists, Coach Xu said that he recruits largely from Kansas high schools, and that although many of his players participated in more than one sport in high school, only one has taken on the difficult task of playing both volleyball and basketball at E.S.U., all the while majoring in nursing. Coach Xu told the members that, in addition to his Kansas recruits, his star setter is from China and that his team includes three players from Nebraska. The coach added that he has three seniors on this year's roster, and that it is always difficult to watch his players finish their collegiate careers and move on to the next phases of life. Ms. Kaiser, one of the native Kansans on the fourteen player roster, told the members that she is a junior from Valley Center and that she and the other players have to schedule study time around practices and games by attending study hall and bringing their textbooks and academic materials on the team bus as they travel to and from road games. Coach Xu said that he has four verbal commitments from blue chip high school players for next year, and that he hopes to have a larger roster of volleyball athletes for the 2010-2011 season. Coach Xu said that there is a lot of competition for top high school players, not only from Division II colleges but from the University of Kansas, Kansas State, and rising power Wichita State University, the latter being the school for which Ms. Kaiser's sister plays volleyball. Ms. Kaiser told the members that she likes playing and studying at Emporia State, with its smaller and more intimate atmosphere as opposed to the larger colleges, noting that volleyball is becoming more competitive among younger girls who play on club teams and travel around the midwest to various tournaments. Coach Xu said that organized volleyball is more strict and regimented in China, and that he came to the United States in 1996 to play collegiately at Columbia College in Missouri before becoming an assistant coach and eventually head coach at E.S.U. Coach Xu made six free tickets for the October 16 duel with Washburn available to any Optimist who wanted to take in the match. The members applauded as Coach Xu and Ms. Kaiser concluded their presentation, with President Dr. Douglas giving each an Optimist mug as thanks for appearing before the Club.
After Sheriff Hanson imposed a long distance fine on former Flint Hills Optimist Obie Kwun for coming to Emporia to play golf recently but neglecting to visit the members at a Thursday meeting, a malodorous weekly drawing saw $3.00 go to Dr. Betsy Yanik, Former President Joe Michaels and Janet Haag win $4.00 each, and the $5.00 Super Dude Prize end up in Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler's wallet. The meeting ended with an almost intelligible recitation of the Optimist Creed.
NEXT WEEK'S SPEAKER WILL BE EMPORIA ARTS COUNCIL DIRECTOR MELISSA WINDSOR, WHO WILL SPEAK ABOUT THE NEW E.A.C. BUILDING. START THINKING CHRISTMAS TREES AND SHOW UP NEXT THURSDAY FOR THE OCTOBER 22, 2009 MEETING OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB!
Fourteen social noncomformists were on hand as President Dr. Bryan Douglas marked his second week in office by calling the October 8, 2009 meeting of the Flint Hills Optimist Club to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Darrell Jones delivered a fine Invocation and led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest, introduced by Former President Bob Burenheide, was Chad Buchholz, of the Marion State Bank. The members cheered when President Douglas proclaimed that Chad has submitted his completed membership application and dues check, and awaits only pro forma approval by the board before he becomes an official Flint Hills Optimist.
Sheriff Ken Hanson started off this week's open meeting by fining Parry Briggs for complaining that Ken's duck call was an even more annoying sound than an alarm clock at 5:00 a.m., then fined Former President Burenheide for alleging a conspiracy to bring in a flock of new members after his term in office had ended and the Douglas Administration had begun, Bob's remark having been prompted by the news that the board of directors approved Janet Haag's application for membership on October 6, 2009. Welcome goes out to Janet as the Club's newest member, soon to be followed by Chad Buchholz.
In other Club business, Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler warned those members who have assiduously stayed away from recent Thursday meetings that he has a new supply of stamps, will mail out reams of 2009-2010 dues statements, and that there is no place for any member to hide. President Dr. Bryan Douglas passed around a note of thanks from Former President Stan Fowler's mother, Mrs. Ray Fowler, for the memorial donation made by the Club to the Emporia Public Library in honor of Stan's father after his recent passing. The members made final plans for the upcoming Saturday, October 10, 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed, with President Douglas passing around the work schedule prepared by Co-Chair Courtney Graves. The Optimists were asked to show up at the National Guard Armory at 6:00 p.m. on Friday night, October 9, to set up tables and chairs, then reappear at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday morning to help Chris Cakes get situated before the hotcake hounds show up at 7:30 a.m. Pancake Committee Co-Chair Ken Hanson announced that he had additional tickets for anyone who wanted to make some last minute sales, and that a couple of pancake breakfasts will be delivered to the on-air personalities at K.V.O.E. Radio to encourage them to talk up the feed on Saturday morning. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler added that he will deliver a few plates of pancakes and sausage himself, and will keep track of the tickets which have been issued to the members for sale to the general public. Thanks and appreciation go out to Ken Hanson and Courtney Graves for superb organization and preparation of this year's feed.
The Club then made preliminary plans for the 2009 Flint Hills Optimist Club Christmas tree lot, with a consensus being reached that the first order of business will be to unload the trees and pile them on the pavement at Guion's parking lot, followed by repairs to the tree racks, light poles and other equipment as needed. Christmas Tree Chairman Emeritus and Former President Bob Glover urged that a survey of the repair needs and purchase of materials be made and that the Club's more mechanically inclined members bring power tools to the lot, and Former President Stan Fowler suggested that particular attention be paid to the large metal plates which are bolted to the racks, with most of the smaller plates and pins being in pretty good shape. The Optimists were reminded that a goodly collection of members is needed to volunteer to cover the lot on weekdays from 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m., and that the new Christmas Tree Shogun will need to recruit his or her own administrative assistant. Former President Mike Alpers' nomination of a terrified Chad Buchholz to head the project was tabled indefinitely, partly because Chad isn't officially a member yet and partly on humanitarian grounds. The tree discussion ended with Former President Glover's observation that we need a new table for Christmas Tree Headquarters, a plea for plenty of Club volunteers to sell trees, and a self-imposed fine by Sheriff Ken Hanson for mangling Chad Buchholz's first name.
President Dr. Bryan Douglas then told the members that he has spoken to Former President Rich Jaggard about selecting dates for the 2010 Flint Hills Optimist Club High School All-Star Basketball Classic and Banquet, preferably one that would not conflict with a University of Kansas appearance in the Final Four, a notion that Parry Briggs dismissed as presumptuous and speculative. As for the Tuesday, October 6, 2009 board meeting, President Douglas reported that the budget was discussed in some detail, including plans to find a blockbuster youth-related project to fund, a decision not to contribute to the Emporia Arts Council in view of that organization's other financial resources, the likelihood of increased involvement in and sponsorship of the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Bowl For Kids Sake fundraiser, more money for the Emporia Public Library Summer Reading Program, and continued support of American Legion Girls' State, Recreation Commission youth baseball and football programs, local high school after-prom and after-graduation parties, and our own Easter Egg Hunt, the latter in conjunction with Cable One.
After Former President Bob Glover was fined by Sheriff Ken Hanson for one indiscretion or another, President Dr. Bryan Douglas advised that we may actually have guest speakers for the next three meetings, and Former President Mike Alpers warned rookie President Douglas about too much hope and change in his first frenetic days in office, a mumbling recitation of the Optimist Creed was preceded by a drawing that made most members' skin crawl, with Vice President Bobby Thompson winning $3.50, $5.00 going to Chad Buchholz, and Former President Bob Burenheide winning a $6.00 golden parachute.
HAD ENOUGH OF MIDDLE CLASS MORALITY? SHOW UP FOR NEXT THURSDAY'S MEETING OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB!
Thirteen verbal revelers were on hand as Dr. Bryan Douglas began his term as President of the Flint Hills Optimist Club by calling the Thursday, October 1, 2009 meeting to order. Co-Chaplain and Former President Bob Glover ad-libbed his way through the Invocation, thereby earning a hefty fine from Sheriff Ken Hanson, and led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance. This week's only guest was Kelsey Fowler, sponsored by her father, Former President Stan Fowler. Jealously guarding his exclusive power to fine the Chaplain, Ken fined Former President Stan Fowler for leveling theological criticism at Former President Glover's Invocation.
Sheriff Hanson then levied more fines than you could shake a stick at, all on the Dark Side of the K.S.T.C. meeting room, as President Douglas began this week's open meeting by humbly announcing that he had little official business to transact and generating wild applause in return. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler incurred the wrath of all those present by passing out 2009-2010 dues statements, with the boos turning to cheers when George announced that Dr. Betsy Yanik paid her dues with lightning speed, the first member of the Club to do so.
Flint Hills Optimist Club/Chris Cakes Pancake Feed Co-Chairs Ken Hanson and Courtney Graves passed out tickets to those members who needed them for resale to the general public, and also distributed flyers to be posted on every street corner in town to promote the Saturday, October 10, 2009 feed. Ken and Courtney urged the members to sell tickets by the bushel, especially to the men and women on our ships at sea, and also to show up at the National Guard Armory at 6:00 p.m. on Friday, October 9, 2009 to set up tables and chairs, as well as at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday morning to actually put on the feed. Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler con-firmed that the Club will deliver pancake breakfasts to those who can't make it to the Armory that morning, and Co-Chair Hanson reported that public service annoucements are being run on local radio stations and that tickets have been delivered to those stations for promotional giveaways. Co-Chair Hanson reminded those members who need tickets to call him at once, commended Chris Cakes for its organizational skills in contrast to the lack of same in this Club, and suggested that special implements be brought to the Armory to pick up pancakes off the floor, especially if Former President Mike "Strong Arm" Alpers jumps in as an honorary Chris Cakes Pancake Tosser. Thanks go out to Ken and Courtney for setting up this year's pancake party.
After Sheriff Hanson fined a repentant Steve Younger for unwarranted self-criticism of his past performance as Secretary-Treasurer, Former President Joe Michaels bemoaned the lack of donations and the lower quality of trash that's being thrown into the Club's Sit 'N Spin during these difficult economic times, and vowed to move it to a grocery store in search of more money and a better class of refuse. Joe did confide to the members that the Club has cleaned up on Sit 'N Spin advertising receipts, with sales exceeding the space available to post business cards on the wishing well.
As for the upcoming Flint Hills Optimist Club Christmas tree lot which will open next month, Christmas Tree Co-Captain and Former President Bob Glover suggested that someone in the Club step up and schedule the workers and handle the other preparatory tasks necessary to put on a quality tree sale, although Bob agreed to provide valuable advice to his successor. The members concurred that it will be necessary to move the trailer which will serve as
the nerve center of the tree operation to Guion's parking lot, line up a portable toilet, arrange for a dumpster to accomodate trash and maybe a flash fire or two, and haul the semi trailer which holds the Club's tree lot equipment to Guion's. Former President Glover stressed that it is essential that we repair the tree racks and, as pointed out by Secretary-Treasurer Dr. George Durler, the light poles, before assembling this year's lot. After George was fined by Ken for needling Bob, the members discussed ways of covering the lot on weekday afternoons, with Secretary-Treasurer Durler and Steve "Doc" Graham offering to chip in a few hours per week, with the members clamoring for Former President Glover to show up once in awhile, since he is no longer in the retail gas racket and since the real estate market is in the tank.
The Optimists also discussed the plan for transporting the trees from Wisconsin, Courtney Graves revealed that she already has some imaginative ideas for marketing the tree project, and there was even loose talk about asking the Clint Bowyer 79 Fund to buy up the leftover trees and deliver them to the poor in record time, with Steve Graham being fined by Sheriff Hanson for disparaging remarks about the likely literary quality of the application letter. The members went down the list of absent members in order to find someone to draft the funding request, and agreed upon Board Member Parry Briggs. The tree talk came to a conclusion after discussing pallets, the post-Christmas clean-up detail, and liquid refreshments for the tree sales crew, and after Sheriff Hanson fined Steve Younger for an unseemly comment about overusing drill bits.
Plans were then made to recruit award winning float engineer Jessica Kirk to construct this year's Flint Hills Optimist Club float in the Emporia Christmas parade, the 2009 theme being "Christmas Vacation". The float will likely be constructed courtesy of a Courtney Graves-brokered joint venure with Sterling House, and with Former President Mike Alpers handling key details for the Float Committee, such as taking off for a Christmas vacation himself.
The members discussed the need for programs at upcoming meetings, and President Dr. Bryan Douglas reminded the officers and board members to show up for his first cabinet meeting on Tuesday, October 8, 2009 at noon in the Union. Sheriff Hanson fined several unindicted co-conspirators for conjuring up the image of Steve "Doc" Graham in a Speedo, and the members smirked as President Douglas naively asked if the Club had a formal, organized event calendar.
In a weekly drawing that made the whole sordid meeting worthwhile, President Douglas won $4.00, $5.00 went to this reporter, and Kelsy Fowler won $7.00 which will be invested in her Spring Break Fund.
Condolences go out to Former President Stan Fowler and his family on the death on Saturday, September 26, 2009 of Stan's father and Kelsey's and Matthew's grandfather, Ray Fowler.
FORGET THE SWINE FLU--SHOW UP FOR NEXT WEEK'S MEETING OF THE FLINT HILLS OPTIMIST CLUB AND YOU'LL HAVE BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT!
